You hear the phrase “mom guilt” used a lot across social media, but nothing truly prepared me for the multiple levels of guilt I felt once I had my daughter, even as soon as the first couple hours of her birth. My delivery was long and painful, and once the epidural wore off, I was in so much pain that I could not hold Eloise anymore. I asked that Landon take her, but this was only after being in pain and going back and forth as to whether or not I could hold her any longer. I kept thinking to myself:
I can’t do this anymore. I can’t hold her one more minute.
No you have to. She’s your daughter. You need to bond.
No. I need to tell them how much pain I’m in.
That was only the beginning. Once I left the hospital, these thoughts turned into:
I want to spend time with her, but I’ll feel guilty if I don’t let people visit.
I need to sleep while she’s sleeping, but I need to visit with our guests.
I know I need to clean the house, but I really want to lay on the couch with her.
I felt guilty for eating dinner while she slept. I felt guilty for wanting to turn away visitors because I felt I wasn’t getting any time with her while she was awake and playful. I felt guilty for switching to exclusive pumping after weeks of Eloise being unable to properly latch.
And you know what? Some of these things I still feel guilty over, but here are a few things that are within your control that might help if you’re dealing with this too:
Do you struggle with setting boundaries with visitors?
Get with your husband and set boundaries with visitors if that is something you struggle with. For us, that meant creating “visiting hours.” This gave us a sense of control. If you’re tech savvy, you can use an online calendar like this website where you can set available visiting hours and friends and family can pick a time that works for them. You can even create a schedule for intentional time with your husband, baby, and other children in the home.
Do you struggle with meeting the expectations you had for yourself and your home before motherhood?
Create new expectations on what the household maintenance looks like as you’re going through this transition period. Maybe your husband can pick up some of your responsibilities around the home. Maybe some things just go on the back burner. Either way, sit down and create a plan or have a discussion with your husband as you sort out these emotions and responsibilities.
Honestly, I’m not sure if anything will ever silence the mom guilt that runs through your head. Be open with your husband about how you’re feeling, and ask for help combating these intrusive thoughts. Pray for God to give you peace and to silence the lies that you aren’t enough. Pray that He will guide you to do what is best for you and your family and then stand by that decision. Your little one will only be that small once. And Mama, never forget you are not alone.
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