Between the new baby smell and the soft snuggles, there’s nothing more exciting than a little one entering your family. However, please keep the parents in mind! Those first few weeks after delivery are very difficult and honestly sacred. Mom and dad are trying to bond with their baby while setting up a new routine and getting very little sleep. If the parents of a little one have set guidelines for visitors, please respect them with no complaints. They are only doing what is best for them and their baby. Even if you feel like their requests do not apply to you, they do, and you should want to respect them enough to follow their wishes. Consider their lack of sleep, physical recuperation of mom, and the stress between them as they navigate this little one’s needs and their own.
Maybe your loved ones haven’t mentioned any specific requests, so you think they don’t care when you visit or for how long. Believe me when I say, they do care! Sometimes it’s just awkward or difficult to set boundaries, especially with close family and friends, so I have compiled a Visitor’s Etiquette Guide for you on their behalf.
Do not come unannounced.
Please do not arrive at the parents’ home without first asking. Between nap times and feeds, it is so important that new parents feel a sense of routine. Having visitors randomly knock on the door can create a kink in the schedule. Not to mention the stress they feel because they haven’t had the chance to pick up, shower, or get the dishes out of the sink.
Disclose who all will be with you.
And please. Do not bring someone the family barely knows. This is a time for mom and dad to bond with their baby. It is not the time to get to know your best friend or new love interest. Mom and dad are sharing their precious time with their newborn with those that they are willing to sacrifice their time for. That typically does not include strangers or acquaintances.
Do not come during meal time.
Whether this is during the first few weeks, months, or really any time at all, do not visit during meal time. For me, it always felt so rude to eat while visitors were over unless we had specifically invited them for a meal and had enough prepared for guests. If the only time you can come over is during lunch or dinner, bring a meal for the family regardless of whether you intend to eat or not. Just because you aren’t hungry doesn’t mean mom and dad aren’t either.
Do not visit if anyone in your household is sick.
It doesn’t matter if you bring the sick person or not. It doesn’t matter if he/she is running a fever or not. Even the smallest cough, snotty nose, or sore throat can be serious for a baby. Please stay at home until you and your household are well.
NO KISSES
Your lips should not come in contact with a baby. Anytime–Anywhere–No questions–No exceptions. If you are bringing guests with you, tell them before entering the home that mom and dad are requesting no kisses from anyone. It is really uncomfortable to watch someone kiss on your child’s hands, feet, and cheeks. Once it’s done, it’s done. There is no taking it back. It is selfish to kiss someone else’s baby, so please have this conversation before bringing anyone to visit. (Typically, older grandparents are the worst about this, so while it may be uncomfortable to tell them what to do, please do it for the baby’s health.)
Keep your visit under an hour.
This is so important especially for mamas trying to establish breastfeeding. They need to feel comfortable in their own home and might need support from their husbands. Not only that, but babies need rest. The rule of thumb is for the mom to sleep when the baby sleeps. If you’re visiting while the baby is sleeping, then mama isn’t getting the rest she needs.
Realize their job is not to be a host.
While you are visiting their home, you are not their guest. The new parents should not feel the need to entertain you or your children. If you’re bringing children, ensure they have a snack and something to entertain themselves because they will only find the baby interesting for a short amount of time. You may want to bring your own bottle of your favorite drink as well.
Respect mom and dad’s wishes.
It doesn’t matter what they request; do as they ask. This is a time for them to bond with their baby and physically recover from the pains of childbirth. Not only should you respect their wishes, tell them you understand, even if you don’t. Let them know they’ve been heard and do not complain. Whether that means no visitors in the hospital, no visitors the first few days at home, or simply no visitors during certain hours, mom and dad need to know they are in control and that their decisions are supported.
Visit with mom and dad, not just baby.
It’s so easy to get caught up with the new baby, but don’t forget that mom and dad are people, too. They want to be talked to like anyone else. Don’t just ask about the baby or baby related things. Have conversations with them. Trust me. It’s the people who talk to the parents like people that get invited back again and again.
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